Why are you saying you still love me? You never loved me.. it was puppy love for you. You changed my life in so many ways, you made me fall harder than you can imagine. I make you my everything. You tore me down like I was nothing to you. You say you care about me and my feelings when you’ve done nothing to help. I tried my best to work it out. I’ve tried for 2 1/2 years. Do you even know how that made me feel? When you fucked with me. When you’d forget all the plans we make. When you came 10 hours late to pick me up. When you took 5 hours to text me back. When you’d take me to parties and just ditch me for other people? Whenever I was there for you, you’d never be there for me. When I told you all my secrets you never understood. When I would cry on the phone you’d be talking about how you loved how hot the way Demi Lovato looked on x-factor tonight? Or how about when I saved my money and spent 100$ on your birthday and took you to the beach and for mine you didn’t even show up to my house like we planned because you forgot?
I’m sorry, I don’t love you anymore. I’m fed up with you. We broke up a year ago and now you decide to talk to me. bYe
I can’t take it anymore
Dance is always a fuck up for you and kobes fucking basketball is always way more important you proved it so many times. You spend all your money on her when you hardly spend it on my dance when I need somthing
You don’t fucking understand not only do I love dance, its my life and its my career. I’m actually working so one day, I’ll be able to make money out of it. Be a.professional. you don’t give two shits.
You’re always blaming me for everything when I take the bus to school and to dance every fucking day of my life. I been needing a car and if I had the time I would work to get one. But I can’t because I’m focusing on my carreer I don’t have no fucking time to get a side job. I really can’t. It’s just too much for me. I might as well run the fuck away because I’m such a shit child. And I don’t know where the fuck my boyfriend is and I’m so fucking worried for him and he won’t return my calls or texts. Like what? Is he that hurt? Or does he fucking hate me? Why am I even alive? I should just kill myself because of everyone. Won’t that make you fucking happy?! Ok bYe.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. But yea.. I had a weird dream. and I been thinking about it constantly and can’t stop thinking about it so yea here’s what happened… I’m not gonna write so vivid I’m just gonna write what I remember what happened
So I been going through a hard time lately, heartache isn’t my problem at all. Maybe its pressure,maybe its because I been feeling hated by everyone. Maybe its because my mother and family been hammering me lately. They tell me off constantly.. they don’t understand that I’m like that because they can be dicks to me.. and I act like I have pride but I don’t.. I just cry myself to sleep at night and hide it in me during the day.
So basically I’m fed up. I don’t exactly remember what happened but my mother told me something about me being a little shit and worthless.. my brother said something hurtful too but I can’t remember. But I know they’re right. So I knew everyone in my life hates me. Everyone. So I knew I tried to kill myself multiple times and I never succeeded and obviously that made me feel more of a failure. Anyways, I decided to try again. I always tried with pills. But this time I was sitting on the floor in my room, grabbed the pills, turned off the lights, lit a candle, and somehow burned the pills? But yea. After I did that I ingested so many I couldn’t even count… Surprisingly it worked. I felt my.heart in pain I felt that pain in your shoulder you feel during a heart attack. I collapsed. I wasn’t even unconscious, but suddenly… The last few seconds of my life came. And I just remember laying on the floor in relief everything was gone. Or was it? I felt myself get up… I looked around the room…. I saw my own body laying on the floor. I was confused…. I looked at my hand. My body was like a clear plastic. I could look right through myself. I knew I was dead but was I concious? Was I dreaming?
I heared stumbling.. it was my mother running to my room asking me if I were ok… I said I was fine but she couldn’t see me obviously… she only saw my dead body on the floor. She was in shock. But at the same time she wouldn’t respond to me. I was confused at the thought. But maybe I was my own soul? As if no one could see me because I’m now a part of the dead.
I don’t remember much into detail but I remember a conversation involving my whole family… They were just talking about my death.. I just kept yelling and yelling shouting “I’m here I’m here!” But obviously I was part of the dead so they couldn’t hear me at all…
I remember watching their lives.move on so quickly and easily without me… That’s what hurt my dead.soul the most. Regardless if it were the matter of the truth or not.
That’s all I really remember. About that dream.. I just needed to write it down somewhere